The only thing on his mind
by cm757
Summary: hotch realizes he is inlove with emily and that she loved him too. but they cant be together. will hotch be able to conyain himself? STORY BETTER THAN SUMMARY
1. Chapter 1

The only thing on his mind

SSAIC Aaron Hotchner was lying awake on his king-sized bed unable to fall asleep due to a certain raven haired woman that didn't seem to leave his mind. Emily Prentiss was the only person that remained on his mind after 24 uninterrupted hours of catching psychotic serial killers. She was the only person that made him smile these days. Well, her and his son, Jack. At first, after Foyet, he only saw Emily as his friend. A really good friend. Then, as their relationship escalated,, he began to consider her as his best friend. But one day, as he got home to his son Jack, he flopped down on the couch and began thinking about her. He thought about what it would be like to star spending a little more time with her. He thought about her smile. He thought about how she could brighten up his day with just a single word. He started to wonder how it would be like to be the one she always smiled to. And he realized something that night. He realized he never wanted to lose her. And she had been in his mind untol th present day.

Aaron Hotchner wasn't a stupid man. He knew that he was falling in love with his subordinate and he knew that he couldn't. He also hadn't missed the signs. He noticed the way she always tensed when he walked into the room. Or when he accidentally brushed against her. Or even when he showed her his killer dimples. He realized she was falling for him too. But they couldn't do anything. Not while they both still worked in the BAU. And he wouldn't risk both their careers for something that might not even work. Even if he was sure he would never find anyone like her. Suddenly a knock on the door sounded, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Come in" Hotch said, returning to his stern personality.

When he saw Emily pushing the door open he blushed a little, He automatically knew that if she stared at him long enough she would figure out the reason behind the blushing. She wasn't a profiler just for kicks.

"Hey Hotch. Just dropping the case files off. They're due to Monday." Emily quickly greeted him and handed him the files.

"Ok thanks" Hotch replied, not raising his eyes from his own files.

The first thing Emily noticed when she walked in Hotch's office was his face. He was blushed! She had never seen him blush.

"Are you ok Hotch? You seem a little flustered." She stated, concern noticeable across her voice.

"I'm fine Prentiss" Hotch said in a decisive tone, but still without meeting her eyes.

"Oh, ok then." Emily figured he was too focused on his work to look at her. If only he knew how she felt about him… "Well, have a goodnight."

"You too Prentiss."

Emily started walking towards the door when she felt the urge to take one last look at him. She turned on her heels and focused on his eyes. They were "trapped" on a blank point on the file. And that's when it hit her. He wasn't too focused on the file to look ate her. He was trying to avoid her eyes! But why?

"Hotch, what is going on?" she asked, genially concerned.

"I don't know what you mean" he said, a glimpse of fear appearing in his voice.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that your voice is wavering like you're afraid of something and you won't look at me!"

Hotch gulped. He was doomed. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell her the truth that was for sure, but if he lied to her she was definitely tell. He decided to just play dumb.

"Prentiss, I really have no idea what you're talking about." He said, his voice low and steady now.

"Oh really, then why won't you look me in the eyes and tell me that again?" she questioned, approaching him.

Hotch knew he had to distract her of this conversation. He wouldn't last much longer. It was like he was being interrogated and she was damb good at him. He didn't even think Rossi would last long with her! He got up and walked across the room to a small table occupied with to stacks of unfinished case files.

"Prentiss I'm fine, I told you. I guess I'm just distracted because of this last case."

"Bull shit!" she exclaimed, following him and trapping him between the table and her body. "Hotch, it's me! I know when something is wrong with you! Why can't you just look at me?"

"Because you'll know" Hotch thought.

"Know what?"

OH FUCK! He had said it out loud! There was no escaping from this now. He had to look at her.

He slowly raised his head and met her eyes. He was aware of that lust and attraction were written all over his face. She would certainly read him like an open book. He watched as her eyes widened and she tilted her head to the side. She didn't back away; he didn't expect her to anyway. And in that moment all he would like to do was to kiss her. Hotch knew he shouldn't. Knew it wouldn't be right. But honestly, he didn't care a rats ass about it right now. Automatically his large hand cupped the back of her head and he crashed his lips onto hers, bringing all the lust and passion to the kiss. She responded immediately to the kiss wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing him closer to her body. But Hotch had to stop. He couldn't risk her job and her career over him.

He pulled away from her kiss swollen red lips.

"I'm sorry, we can´t." he stated matter of fact, heading for his desk and grabbing his suitcase. He walked towards the door and was about to turn the knob when he heard a very stunned Emily Prentiss say:

"But I feel the same way."

"I know" Hotch said, stopping for one second and then walking away, what he was sure was the biggest mistake of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I just wanted to give a special thanks to phoebe9509 and all the other people that reviewed and wanted another chapter in this story. I thought about adding a little more drama to this chapter, and what better way of adding drama then to add Garcia and the team? Anyway since people wanted a follow-up I started thinking and I may or may not turn this into a three or four-shot. We'll see! Hope you'll enjoy!

The only thing on his mind part 2

Emily stood in Aaron Hotchner's office looking more confused than ever. She couldn't help the mental debate going on in her head at the moment.

_What the hell just happened? Why did he just do that? I mean… why did he just kiss me and stormed out? I thought I SAW something in his eyes… well, there definitely WAS something in his eyes otherwise he wouldn't have been so reluctant about looking at me! But why leave me here? Especially after I told him I felt the same way. Did I do something wrong? I seriously doubt that, he was the one who kissed me! And then he decides to give me some crap about the rules? If he did have deep feelings for me he would ignore the rules for once in his life! Oh great and now I'm talking to myself in my head. Why couldn't he just contain himself? Thanks a lot Hotch, now I'm gonna spend every minute of my day relieving the freaking kiss and thinking about what ifs!_

Emily quickly started to walk out of his office, more frustrated than she'd ever felt. She got to the elevators and while she waited she could feel the anger boil up. But she wasn't gonna let him win this. She was not about to let him see how much this had affected her. Truth is, under all the anger spread across her face, she had the urge to just drop to the floor and cry. He had hurt her badly, leaving her there like she meant nothing. And to think that for a second there she actually thought he felt the same way…

The morning after

Emily walked into the bullpen with her head held high. Even though her head was still spinning from the events of the earlier day this was a work place and she was not about to give in here. However she was perfectly aware that she was partner with a bunch of profilers, and that eventually they would see past her mask and realize the sadness written in her eyes. But she would do her beast not to break there. Not in front of them.

She walked towards her desk and put her purse on the edge. She waved her good mornings at Reid and Morgan so not to raise any suspicions. Having some files in delay she decided to get started on those. At least that was the plan until the cheeky voice of one very excited Penelope Garcia came from a few feet away.

"Gumdrop, there you are!" Garcia ran excitedly coming to a stop at her desk. "I need you in my layer ASAP!"

"What's so important PG?" Emily had a pretty good idea of what it was. A few weeks ago she had told Garcia about her feelings for Hotch and since then she had requested morning updates every single day.

"Jeez, someone is not in a good mood!" Garcia pointed out "Don't worry sweetie, I won't nag you much. Now come on!" Garcia grabbed her arm and yanked her out of her chair and into the hallway leading to Penelope Garcia's office. She quickly pushed the door open and sat on her creamy colored chair.

"SOOOOO….. Any news for me?" Garcia waited patiently until Emily sat on the leather couch to fire the question.

Emily looked at her friend confused. Usually Garcia only asked if she had already told Hotch about her feelings, not if there was news…

"What are you talking about PG?"

"Oh Gumdrop, don't play dumb!" Garcia demanded half mocking.

At Emily's continuing confused face Garcia charged again, full force this time. "I saw you and Hotch kissing in his office!" Garcia yelled excitement oh-so-very present in her voice.

At that statement Emily's face dropped. She knew it wasn't Garcia's fault but the image of Hotch leaving her in his office came back to her mind and Emily could feel the moisture threatening to spill in her eyes.

Garcia immediately noticed this and was quick to ask. "Gumdrop… Gumdrop what's wrong? Why are you like this? What happened?"

Emily felt the sadness pour over her at her friends question. She just couldn't answer her right now.

"Garcia please don't…"

As if on cue suddenly Morgan opened the door of Penelope's office.

"Good morning my beautiful Goddess of the…" Morgan stopped mid sentence when he spotted Emily sitting on Garcia's couch.

"Princess what happened?" Morgan asked approaching the couch and sitting beside her.

At that point all the memories came rushing back and Emily just lost it. She started crying nonstop and after five minutes of sobbing and being comforted by her friends she was able to pull herself together long enough to be able to speak.

"I… yesterday I was in Hotch's office and…" Emily stopped for a second to look into Derek and Penelope's eyes. "He… he wasn't looking at me and I was starting to worry that I did something wrong and…" Emily started to cry again but stopped when she heard Morgan and PG ask at the same time "What happened?"

"And…and… he kissed me and…" but she was interrupted but the muffled scream of surprise of Derek Morgan who quickly exclaimed "He kissed you?" only to be nudged in the arm by Garcia.

"Continue sweetie…" Garcia pleaded.

Emily stopped crying all together and finally blurted out.

"He kissed me and then just mumbled something like "we can't" and left me there in his office…"

"WHAT?" Garcia and Morgan asked.

"Whatever, I'm not gonna let him play with my feelings anymore. He can go screw himself for that matter!" Emily yelled, a new flash of anger appearing in her eyes.

"Em…" both Derek and Garcia started but none of them knew what to say. How could he have done that to her? No, this couldn't be left alone.

Suddenly Morgan got up from the couch and stormed out the door heading towards Hotch's office, leaving a crushed Emily and a surprised Garcia behind.

So I'm probably ganna post one more chapter besides this one. Hope you liked this.

PLEASE REVIEW! Reviews make me SOOO HAPPY! Morgan is gonna be angry if you don't review… That's all I'm saying!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, so this new chapter will be focused on the talk between Hotch and Derek and I'm still considering if I'm gonna add a chapter four. We'll see!

The only thing on his mind part 3

Hotch sat quietly on his leather chair behind his desk.

The overdue paperwork resting on the other side of the desk was being giving little attention as his mind continued to wander over to the raven-haired woman as it did every single day. Only this time, every thought of her was interrupted by a strong guilt hovering over him. How could he have ever left her there? He knew that he was just protecting both their jobs and careers, but right now that just felt like complete and utter bullshit.

When he kissed her… it was like something he never experienced. Like they just belonged together, you know?

He didn't know how he was ever going to pass the rest of his life without the feel of her lips on his again, without the feel of her skin underneath his fingers, without that beautiful smile of her directed to him. _Way to screw it up Aaron!_ He thought to himself. There was no way she was ever going to forgive him for what he did. He knew how much it had hurt her. It had hurt him too…

Out of the blew he heard someone open his door abruptly and barge in his office. He looked up from his desk to a very angry face of one Derek Morgan. He was about to comment on him barging in his office when Derek started shouting.

"Look Hotch here's the deal either you get out of your high horse and make up your dam mind or I will knock you dead Hotch, I PROMISE YOU THAT!" Derek yelled with all he had in him. For all he was concerned no one and he meant NO ONE would play with his best friend's feelings and get away with.

As for Hotch, he just froze. For a moment there he had no idea what to say. He had the sneaking suspicious of what Derek was talking about, but that was a personal issue, and at the moment they were at work. So, he brought himself to relax a bit and calmly start talking Derek into reasoning.

"Morgan, this is neither the time nor the place to discuss this and who are you to…" Hotch was completely cut off by Morgan's even angrier voice.

"I AM THE FRIEND OF THE PERSON WHO JUST BROKE DOWN IN FRONT OF ME AND GARCIA BECAUSE YOU HURT HER! THAT'S WHO I AM! AND YES HOTCH, THIS IS THE PLACE, BECAUSE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY GETTING TO HER AND YOU DON'T GIVE A DAM! AND NOW IT'S MY TURN TO AKS WHO DO _YOU_ THINK _YOU _ARE TO HURT HER LIKE YOU DID?" by the end Derek had fume coming out of his ears and was more pissed off then he ever was.

Hotch was again at a loss of words. How was he supposed to answer that? _I'm only protecting her? _Yeah like _that_ wasn't going to elicit more screaming!

Derek used this to his advantage to warn Hotch one more time.

"And if you EVER, and I mean EVER make her think you have some sort of feelings for her just to rip her heart out, well I guarantee you you are not walking out of here unarmed, and it won't only be me who will arm you! And before you ask, yes, I AM making a threat!" Derek clarified, and turned on his heels walking towards the door when Hotch's voice stopped him.

"YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER?" Hotch asked, with a stunned and disbelieving look plastered all across his face.

"No," Derek replied "I don't THINK you don't have feelings for her, I KNOW you don't have feelings for her because if you did you wouldn't have walked away!"

"I did it to protect her!" Hotch exclaimed, desperate. "I couldn't let her risk her job over me Derek! Not after all the crap she got from me right from the beginning! I did it because she WILL regret this eventually and she might have risked her whole life by then! I love her too much to let her do that!" Hotch spilled everything that was on his mind. He completely exposed himself.

There was a flash of a comprehensive look on Derek's mind. It didn't mean he approved of what he did; only that he understood the reasons behind it. That's why he only spoke one last time before he left his office.

"Why don't you let _her_ decide that hotch?"

Derek closed the door behind him, and Hotch was left alone with his own thoughts, trying to search in his mind for a way to fix this…


	4. Chapter 4

I wanted to say thank you to all the reviewers and I would like to send an apology to phobe9509 because I put her through misery (lol) :D. Anyway, hope you like this chapter!

The only thing on his mind part 4

As he was leaving his superior's office, Derek Morgan was, all thought still pissed, pretty confident that Aaron Hotchner had gotten the message loud and clear. Because, well let's face it, when he wanted to, Derek could pull just as threatening death glares as the one's of Hotch. And in his book, someone crushing one of his best friends heart was a hell of a reason to such death glares.

Morgan walked back to Garcia's office and knocked on the door. No one responded to him so he knocked once again. Still without a response and getting worried, Morgan opened the door carefully only to find a very sad Garcia sitting at her desk chair, starring at her computer screen. At first Derek didn't understand why she was just starring at it, but as he got closer he could see that her screensaver was a recently taken photo of the whole team, one of the few they had where everybody was smiling. He remembered that the picture was taken right after they finished a case in Chicago and they had been able to save two more families from getting murdered. Cases like that were the reason they were able to get through so many others, because they always had hope that they could find the next victim on time and save them. He remembered how happy all of them were when they saw that the families hadn't been murdered yet. So that night they went out to celebrate and they took the picture right in front of the restaurant.

"I still can't believe he did that to her…" Garcia stated with disbelieving on her voice, while she turned around to fully face Morgan.

"I know Baby Girl, I know." Morgan simply said as he moved to hug Garcia.

"Hey, where did you go?" Garcia asked when she remembered his absence.

"Make sure he'll make it up to her." Morgan said, a grin spread across his beautiful features.

Garcia equally mirrored the grin, giving Morgan a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thank you my Chocolate God, I knew you'd find a way to make this right!" Garcia exclaimed hugging Morgan once more.

"Hey Baby Girl, where did Emily go?" Morgan asked suddenly realizing that Emily wasn't there anymore.

"She went to get some air outside, she needed to recompose herself" Garcia replied, looking at Morgan in the eyes, "This really got to her…" Garcia stated one more time.

Morgan quickly grabbed his cell phone and wrote a quick text and then looked at Garcia and said "Don't worry gorgeous, I know who can take care of that.

Aaron Hotchner still sat at his desk with his head in his hands when his cell phone buzzed with a new text. He opened the phone to find a text from Morgan that said:

"_She went to get some air outside; she usually goes to the parking lot. Go talk to her. NOW!"_

Hotch didn't need to be told twice and quickly grabbed his jacket and keys and rushed to the elevators.

With large steps he reached the building's lobby and started heading towards the parking lot as fast as he could until he spotted her in her car, with the windows closed but clearly listening to LOUD music. He figured she wouldn't be able to hear him approaching her car so once he got there he softly knocked on the window two times. He watched as she turned her head ever so slowly and looked him in the eyes. It almost crushed his own heart once he saw the hurt present there. Not bothering to give him an answer she just turned her head back to her window and closed her eyes.

Hotch knew that he was probably the last person that Emily wanted to see at the moment but he had to make this right. For both of them.

So he opened her door carefully and sat down on the passenger sit. It was then that he spotted the tear stained tissue papers on the tablier of the car and smudged mascara running over her cheeks. She had been crying and he was the reason for it. An overpowering feeling of guilt hit him when he realized he had made this beautiful, vibrant, intelligent woman cry. Yeah, he definitely needed to do something.

_But what?_ He thought. An apology wouldn't be enough, that was for sure and he couldn't just try to bring her into reasoning, which would have lead to a screaming match, like it would have lead that way with Morgan. Only one option was left, he needed to pour it all out there. He needed to tell her everything that he was feeling and the reasons why he did what he did. If she still wouldn't want him by then, then he would leave her alone.

"Emily… I need to tell you something, is that ok?" he asked, treading carefully so not to upset her.

She didn't even move, she was still with her eyes closed and head resting on the head rest. Hotch took the silence as permission for him to continue and started to talk again.

"Over the past few months, I've come to realize that I care more for you than I should have and that my feelings for you were more than just friendship feelings." Hotch took a moment to observe her facial expression. Still nothing, so he continued. "Once I realized that I was falling for you I tried to keep at arm's length, due to FBI policy-"

"If you WERE falling for me you wouldn't be interested on FBI policy. If you CARED that much for me you be interested in FBI policy!" Emily said through gritted teeth.

"Please Em, just let me finish…" Hotch pleaded.

Emily nodded her head and Hotch continued once again.

"When my feelings grew even stronger for you and I realized that you were in love with me too I started thinking I had to protect you, I couldn't let you give your career and yourself up over me, and I was too scared that anything was going to happen to you either on a professional or personal level. The other night at my office you caught me with my guard down and I knew that you would see past my mask and see that I did have feelings for you. And when I kissed you… Emily that was one of the best experiences of my life! But I had to protect you because I knew you would regret this eventually and we would grow apart and that would eventually have an effect on all of us. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't care for you because I do Emily, very much so, and I can finally see that we DO belong together, and I would really like a new shot at this. Please Emily, please."

Emily finally turned her head to look directly into his eyes and she could indeed see all the love and want on them, but she wasn't ready to give in yet.

"You hurt me bad Hotch. You really hurt me…"

"I know, and I'm sorry about that, but I love you Emily. Please give me a second chance. Give US a second chance." Hotch could see her starting to give in and so he leaned in closer.

"You promise you won't hurt me again?" Emily asked, still unsure of all of this.

"I promise. I love you."

"I love you too." Emily replied, a sudden smile appearing in her features as his lips brushed against hers ever so lightly.

Emily quickly wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss and the feel of his lips and his hand on her waist was all she could think about in that moment. That, and that this could actually work. This could actually be something worth fighting for…

And there you have it! Hope you like it and please leave a review, please. Emily would appreciate it! : D


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